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Hollywood doesn’t often seem like a place for long term relationships, but Mark Harmon’s marriage to actress Pam Dawber has stood the test of time. They have been married for 31 years and are still going strong. For three decades, the couple have managed to keep their private life under the radar, but in a recent interview, Dawber finally revealed the untold secret behind their longtime union.
Dawber first saw Harmon at a party in 1986. They were set up by a mutual friend who believed they would be a perfect match. Clearly their friend was right, as the two fell in love instantly and in 1987 they decided to tie the knot.
At that time Dawber and Harmon were already big stars in their own right. Harmon had been named "Sexiest Man Alive" by People for his role on St. Elsewhere. Dawber had also had her big career break with Mork & Mindy, so you might assume their marriage and relationship would be all over the news. However, the couple were not fans of the being in the spotlight when it came to their private life.
The marriage ceremony was very quiet. They only invited a dozen of their closest friends and family and tried to keep the news away from the press. Just weeks before the big day, when Dawber was doing an interview with People magazine, she still said nothing about the wedding. Now, decades have passed by and Dawber is finally revealing some details about their marriage.
Dawber said that part of the secret of her longtime marriage is keeping things private. “Notice you don’t see us in the magazines,” the now 67-year-old actress expressed her opinions when told that she and husband Harmon were thought of as the “It” couple. Dawber added, “When you’re married, that’s real life. And to go and plaster your kids… I’m sorry. I’m not for that.”
Although making a living in the entertainment business, the couple have steered clear of social media. That kind of lifestyle has passed down to their children, too. “I’m not a Twitter… or a Facebook guy. Our sons aren’t into that either. Pam and I have both made a living in this business, and still, there’s a part of that that’s just not natural.” Harmon said.
Speaking of her rock-solid marriage, Dawber told Entertainment Tonight in November 2016 that she had always put family first and left fame behind. “I don’t think two people can work all the time in show business and stay married,” she said.
When Dawber gave birth to her son Sean on April 25, 1988, her breakthrough television series Mork & Mindy had just ended and the aspiring actress was at the peak of her career. However, she decided to take a step back from Hollywood to spend more time with her family and children.
Dawber’s sacrifice was huge. She would have achieved even greater success if she hadn’t taken a step back for her family. She said, “I was in a number one show. I had my own deal. I got to do Broadway. I got to do musical theater. I got to do cartoon voices. I did everything you can do in this business, and then I had children, and it’s like, ‘I’m not going to chase this fame thing.’”
Since she’s had two little angels in her life, Dawber’s top priority has always been her sons, and she was willing to sacrifice her acting career for her kids. “I wanted to drive my kids to school. I wanted to be there for their birthdays and bring cupcakes and donuts and do the school festivals and all that, and I did.” She later added, “I got to teach in their art class and so it was a different life then, and I was very happy to do it.”
The couple have two sons. The elder brother, Sean, is now 31 years old and is following in his parents' footsteps by wanting to become an actor. He has appeared in several episodes of NCIS as a younger version of his father’s character. The younger one, Ty, is now a screenwriter.
Growing up as the sons of the iconic Harmon was not easy for Sean and Ty. The brothers felt a lot of pressure, so Dawber wanted to be just a mom for her kids. “My kids have never seen anything I’ve done. I’m just their mom. They don’t care about what I did.” Dawber confessed. “They want their parents to care about what they are doing.”
When asked about the key to his long term relationship, Harmon believes marrying a little later helped maintain the marriage. He said, “We were both in our thirties when we got married, so hopefully the stupid stuff we did earlier. That’s probably the closest I have to what the key is.”
Although the couple have been married and in love for over three decades, they didn’t agree on everything. For example, in 1987 Harmon starred in a movie called Summer School directed by Carl Reiner. Harmon was very excited to work with Carl but Dawber didn’t agree on her husband taking the part. Despite that Harmon didn’t take her advice, and he now believes that their differences are positive. “We don’t generally like the same thing, and that’s been healthy for us, actually,” Harmon said.
Dawber has stepped away from the spotlight for her family, but she still takes small roles every now and then. In 2014, for instance, she joined her Mork & Mindy co-star Robin Williams’ comedy series The Crazy Ones. But it was the last time they worked together, Williams passed away that same year. “I hadn’t seen Robin for 20 years,” Dawber said, “I did that episode because I wanted to be with Robin. I wanted to see Robin. That was a gift. That was such a gift.”
Although the celeb couple have been living a low-key life, there is one thing that has been highly publicized. In 1987 Harmon tried to gain custody of his nephew Sam, the youngest child of the actor’s sister Kristin Nelson. It is said that Kristin was emotionally unstable and was not capable of good parenting. However, Harmon dropped the bid later.
Although many Hollywood couples try to avoid working together, the marriage between Harmon and Dawber was so strong that they appeared in a play called Love Letters together. The play was about two characters looking back over the last 50 years of their lives. We hope they work in more plays or films together in the future.
Now, after everything they’ve been through, the couple are still very much in love. Dawber previously told InStyle, “He’s one of those guys who makes you say, ‘They don’t make them like that anymore.’”
Harmon is the big star of NCIS now, but whenever he is not on camera, he likes showing off he is a taken man with his wedding ring. He told People, “I wear it or a few others I have because when I’m not shooting, I like to make sure I have something on my ring finger, because I’m proud to be married, and I’m proud of who I’m married to. I’m just so proud of her.”
Many people were touched by the couple’s love story and how they choose to live under the radar. A commenter said that “Mark Harmon always kept his family away from his acting work. That is meritorious. Work and live your life without complications of the press.”
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